Can opposite works?

Can Two Very Different People Make Their Relationship Work?

Can Two Very Different People Make Their Relationship Work?

It is an old saying that opposites attract, but while differences may feel like a fun challenge in the beginning of a relationship, they can end up feeling much more like incompatibilities a few years down the road, the same way quirks and certain flaws, - like being late, or a propensity to forget things - can turn into features which bothers the other, once the novelty of the relationship turns into something more routinely.

Especially when kids are involved, and the couple starts having less time just for themselves, this can trigger individuals to be less patient, having less time to solve problems efficiently and in a good time-frame. Having kids can, at the same time, make the couple more willing to save the relationship for the kids’ sake, than for themselves.

This is something very specific that is worked on at Stack Counselling: the relationship needs to be salvaged for the couple, because that will benefit the kids as well. But the couple will be the main subjects of the therapy.

Kids should not be the only reason a couple decides to stay together; a couple should work to stay together first for themselves and, of course, that will be the best for the kids.

Loving parents and a stable household is healthy for a kid’s growth. Fighting parents, even when staying together, is not.

Does this mean that completely different people are doomed when it comes to be happy in a romantic relationship together? Not quite.

Very often, those differences can work almost like pieces of a puzzle, which fit together nicely, allowing each of the individuals in the relationship to focus on what they are best at, tackling things with their own abilities and strong features.

Most of us know a couple that seem to have nothing in common, but somehow ground each other, and work like a properly oiled machine. They make what could be their weakness, into a strength.

Very often, though, this requires learning how to deal with the other, and it is a process, in many ways.

Not everyone is equipped to make a relationship with an opposite character work, and very often a couple stays unhappily in a relationship, tiptoeing around issues for far too long. The couple comes to what they believe is an end of the road, without realising that there are ways to work out the differences.

Obviously, these refer to personality differences which can be worked together; for some relationships, when one or both of the partners are unfaithful and violent, it’s a more delicate situation, which needs a different approach and, in some instances, cannot be salvaged.

 

One thing that isn’t talked enough, is how interesting it can be to be in a relationship with someone who brings to the table new things, and different interests. There isn’t a lot we can learn from individuals who like the same things we like, and although it is fun to share experiences with like-minded people, and we can find comfort in what we have in common, being in a relationship with someone that knows and is inclined to do different things, can make our own lives much more interesting. We’ll get to know and experience things we wouldn’t otherwise. We will see other perspectives and take what we need from it, without having to change the core of who we are, and the things we are interested in. It’s a win-win situation.

Always, the most important thing, is to find a compromise and make it work.

 

The role of Stack Counselling and of the therapist

 

At Stack Counselling, our main goal is to help couples come together and find some common ground, turning those differences into strengths and into tools the couple can use to grow together, and as individuals.

We’re doing this backed up by science: according to this research on the journal Social Cognition (https://papers.ssrn.com/sol3/papers.cfm?abstract_id=2029345), opposites fit.

With the right guidance, and good couple therapy, these relationships can become even stronger, by bringing out the best of each individual, and helping them deal with the other. This, including their own individual expectations and goals, and as a couple who cares for the other and themselves.

Furthermore, the study shows that working the way they prefer and best know, and focusing each on different ways to achieve a same goal, is a better way, not only to achieve said goal, but to do so more equally, since each individual focuses on what they’re best at.

With different approaches, therapy helps couples find a strategy, where both bring to the table the best of themselves.

 

Another point the therapists at Stack Counselling help with, is remembering the couple why they became a couple in the first place, how differences were a reason for mutual attraction at some point, and how they can work in the same way again, if well explored.

The role of the therapist is never to take sides, but to turn a battle against each other, into a battle to save the relationship together. To see differences as personality traits, rather than flaws, and give the couple an outside perspective which will determine the success of their relationship, and make it more intimate, and stronger.

This is made through respect, love, and kindness, after a first introductory meeting, and across several therapy sessions, created specifically for each couple, and their needs.

 

Stack Counselling guides couples to figure out a way to compromise, where both individuals can be heard, respected, and given the time of the day to express their emotions, expectations, and struggles. Working together for the same purpose: bring back the old flame, while finding value in knowing the other well, and in continuing to work for a good balance in the relationship, by keeping and cherishing the worth of their own individuality.

What is Psychological Abuse in a Relationship?

What is Psychological Abuse in a Relationship?

When speaking about abuse, most people refer directly to physical aggression, but abuse can be more inconspicuous than that.  For decades, especially in the context of domestic violence, psychological assault was seen as less serious, and even disregarded, when compared to physical offense. So, it is with a degree of urgency we bring this awareness for you to recognise as it can be as traumatising as physical violence, while giving the abuser excuses for their behaviour, since it doesn’t leave concrete visible marks.

The lack of visible scars is why so many people fail to recognise it as violence: both victims and abusers are taught throughout an entire lifetime that certain attitudes, within a relationship are normal and even expected, just as long as they don’t go beyond foul words.

Psychological – also known as emotional – abuse is used to control and demean the other person.  It does not only occur only in romantic relationships and it is a lot more common than people think.

Most abusers resort to emotional abuse to simply get what they want: it is geared to manipulate the other person and to make her/him feel insecure and useless, leaving the victim without the courage, or means, put name or understand why this is happening to them. Also, it is used as a power-play; because there is no physical contact, abusers often see in it a way to hurt the other, without losing the good image they have of themselves. Certainly, if there is no physical contact, it is not violence?

This belief couldn’t be further from the truth.

 

What are the Signs of an Abusive Relationship?

Psychological abuse can take a long time to be recognised – and, even when recognised (usually by an someone or an institution, outside the relationship) it can be refuted – in no small way; due to verbal abuse being used as a way to discipline and even to distort and justify the way a primary relationship is taught to kids as they grow up.

If the child grows and is educated to believe the person they are with should behave in a certain way and they have constantly seen other couples demanding certain things from each other, then they will not question the false belief that this violence is the way things should be. Violence is normalised for the perpetrator and the victim and their children, even as these violent expectations become excessive, unbalanced and ruinous.

Relationship decisions that involve both partners should responsible be made together, while taking both the individual views and those of them as a Couple into account.

Notwithstanding, abusers believe they have more powerful-rights and, often the financial clout, to drive through their purported, better judgement.  Being therefore, more able to have their-final word in their decision, while resorting to victimisation and guilt as tools to bully and ‘persuade’ the other to forcefully submit through personal humiliation to the bully’s way.

Therefore, certain bullying attitudes are empowered to become the normal communication, where the perpetrator as the abuser is blinded and continually escalates violent-transgression to have their way: their demands are escalated and given to use violent abuse as entirely reasonable.  In some families and societies, perpetrators live as a law-abiding citizen, while behind closed doors shame, fear and violence flourish, where bullying of the mother and children are trained to be loyal, while blindly submitting to violence.

Consequently, victims can very easily believe they are really, the cause and so deserve abusive, violent and cruel abusive-treatment; especially so, where financial security is used as a weapon.  Even when recognised as psychological abuse, the victim will often fail to denounce it as they are often too afraid to break the relationship, afraid that they are unworthy of love and will never be loved again.

 

Recognising Psychological Abuse

Psychological abuse is a weapon, generally used as a means to achieve selfish outcomes involving: an ensnared victim in a vulnerable situation, a false power-boost to the abuser’s ego, a way to direct frustrations often sexual and to deflect and project blame on the victim.

Psychological abuse flourishes when someone feels they’re constantly being held back, exploited, put sown, demeaned, voiceless – not heard, treated disrespectfully, disregarded and where their voice, sexual, physical and mental safety are abused and violated.

They usually translate to the following:

  • Control and Demand

Abusers insist that the victim be in constant contact with them, letting them know where they are at all times, and assuring they spend all their free time with them. Even if this means – and it is often the abuser’s goal – that the victim becomes estranged from their family, friends, and other acquaintances.

They will try to dictate the way the victim looks (their clothes, hair, and what they own), they’ll want to manage their finances, demand access to their most private things (like phone, and email), and even control where the victim works and the places they are allowed to go.

  • Dissatisfaction

No matter what the other (Victim) does, or how much they devote themselves to the abuser, it is never enough.

Abusers make unreasonable requests, meant to keep certain standards of perfection that are impossible to attain, expecting the other to follow through without questioning.

A victim of psychological abuse will never be able to love the abuser enough. The abuser will use jealousy as a way to express love, making the victim feel guilty for not being at the level they deserve.

  • Verbal Abuse and Constant Fighting

Abusers will always find a way to create chaos, by starting up entrapment-discussions over the smallest of things.

They will give the victim a constant feeling of having to walk on eggshells, at the risk of accidentally starting up another fight.

They will try to humiliate and invalidate the victim, by dismissing their needs or opinions, accusing them of being too emotional (and, therefore, incapable of logical thought), putting themselves and their emotions as paramount at all times, and acting hurt and angry when the other tries to talk about their own feelings. They will turn the narrative around to, once again, look like they are the victim in a contrived, self-seeking, situation.

A very common abuse technique is gaslighting: pretending certain things never happened, or happened in a different way, to a point in which the victim, already hurt and vulnerable, starts to doubt themselves.

While physical abuse is usually visible and possible to prove, psychological abuse leaves traces that are hard to pinpoint, distinguish, and to recognise; often by the victim.

Giving care and support for the victim relies, to a large degree, on gently counselling the victim to develop clinical and emotional trust that they are believed; especially in situations when the abuser is extremely cordial to everyone else, particularly in counselling settings.

Aggression, as a controlling attitude, when deemed as nothing more than ‘jealousy’, can untreated, extrapolate and turn into real psychological and physical, sexual abuse over time. Therefore, it is important to pay attention and recognise the signs early on in the relationship.

It is vital for individuals, even in an intimate relationship, to recognise that there are boundaries in place and to have these boundaries respected. Particularly, in relations to constant devotion and feigning attention – or lack thereof – does not necessarily equate to meaning there is a “lack of love”.

The Healthy Couple

Couples can come to their safe place of love-talk, with active listening to their partner, come to respect each other and the other’s opinion and start undertaking an active participation in  becoming their own Couple, with personal work within themselves and on exposing to the light for the unpacking and new-learning of mis-constructed ideas over what a Couple’s relationship can be, where two become one loving Couple. The result will be individually a more stable and healthier person and hence a truly loving Couple.

Creating the Healthy-Loving Couple – ONLINE

The first step to fight psychological abuse, even when it is already present and happening, is to recognise it and to seek expert help; available ONLINE. Results show this can work for both the victim and the abuser over time with individual and Couple sessions to come together as one.

Therefore, it is important to create an environment that protects the Couple through active listening, no resort to guilt, blame or shame. Using education where applicable to support changed behaviours using therapeutic modalities that measure emotional and physical change successfully.

Stack Counselling ONLINE: is expert in quickly helping and supporting individuals to become their own loving Couple using therapies as learning-tools that develop self-confidence and trust that they can measure in becoming a loving, responsible, positively-communicative partner and trusted-friend to turn their and the lives of their children into Love.

Online & Tele Counselling

The History of Online Counselling

The History of Online Counselling

Online counselling, also referred to as e-counselling and telecounselling, is mental health services and assistance which is provided over the internet. Typical means of providing online counselling include video conferencing, messaging, phone calls, and emailing which can happen either in real-time (such as video conferencing) or in a time-delayed format (such as emailing).

Whilst there’s no doubt that online counselling has certain limitations, it is fast becoming a vital resource for a growing number of people who require much needed support and assistance. Despite such limitations, online counselling also has many advantages over traditional counselling such as the convenience and accessibility that this delivery method offers. In today’s article, we’ll be discussing the history of online counselling along with the effectiveness of this method when compared with traditional face-to-face counselling.

 

History of Online Counselling

The idea of distance communication provided by a counselor to a client is not a new concept. The famous Sigmund Freud commonly used letters to communicate with clients to provide vital support and assistance. Furthermore, self-help groups and research emerged once the internet was released, and many people have benefited from gaining more knowledge about their conditions and means of treatment.

In more recent times, the growth of online counseling has given rise to the foundation of the International Society for Mental Health Online. This organisation recognized the growing need for online health care and offers information and guidelines for clients who are actively seeking to receive mental health support over the internet. In addition, online apps such as Talkspace and BetterHelp, which are devoted to mental health services, offer information and prices regarding various treatment options.

 

Effectiveness of Online Counselling

While some forms of online counselling have more limitations than others, recent studies have suggested that clients benefit greatly from a range of online counselling services. The World Journal of Psychiatry published a study which showed that clients who receive mental health services through video conferencing had high levels of satisfaction and improvement to their state of mental health. Additionally, further research has suggested that online counselling is an effective treatment option for a number of health issues and is particularly effective for people who live in rural areas where accessibility to counselling and therapy services is limited.

Several recent studies have suggested that online Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) combined with online clinical care was highly effective in the treatment of anxiety, depression, PTSD, and other forms of emotional distress. In fact, a 2015 study showed that online counselling using CBT was equally effective as traditional face-to-face counselling in the treatment of anxiety disorders.

While it’s clear that online counselling is not always appropriate for all cases, there are many people who will benefit from seeking mental health services and speaking with a qualified and experienced counselling in a comfortable environment. It’s paramount that counsellors who are offering online services are complying with confidentiality and privacy guidelines that are required for traditional face-to-face counselling.

 

Conclusion

Online counselling has been used widely in the past to help people in the treatment of their mental health conditions. Not everyone is available to travel to the physical office of a counsellor to receive these services, and for those people, online counselling has been invaluable to their treatment outcomes. While research suggests that online counselling is effective in the treatment of mental health conditions, it’s clearly not suitable for all cases such as those with substance addiction, psychiatric conditions, and schizophrenia.

Online counselling offers an accessible, convenient, and affordable means of providing counselling services to people who prefer to receive treatment in the comfort of their own homes. If you’re interested in receiving the benefits of online counselling, reach out to the experts at Stack Counselling today.

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The Advantages of Online Counselling

The Advantages of Online Counselling

In today’s modern world, technology has an enormous impact on our lives. All the tasks we needed to do manually, such as buying groceries, shopping, banking, and even entertainment can now be done online from the comfort of our own homes. The world continues to change dramatically, and the global pandemic that we’re currently experiencing is playing a major role with social distancing and the need for isolation. Working from home has become the norm and there are many benefits that people are enjoying with seemingly little reduction in productivity.

One industry that is embracing the use of technology is health practitioners, particularly counsellors and therapists. Online counselling is fast becoming a common method for counsellors to provide support and assistance to clients during this time of social distancing and isolation. Recently there has been increasing debate regarding the effectiveness of online counselling when compared with traditional counselling. To give you a clearer picture on the topic, today we’ll be comparing the two by discussing the advantages of online counselling.

Online Counselling is Just As Effective

There have been a variety of studies that have shown that online counselling, when combined with cognitive behaviour therapy, is very effective for a range of clinical issues. Online Counselling, or e-counselling/telecounselling, can be defined as any type of counselling provided which is not face-to-face. Examples of this include phone, email, text, and online video calls. The most effective form of online counselling is using video calls which is almost the same as traditional face-to-face counselling, except it has several key advantages.

Accessibility

Online counselling allows virtually anyone to connect to a counsellor for support and assistance. Where traditional counselling requires clients to visit a physical location at an agreed time, online counselling overcomes barriers that may stop certain people from receiving treatment. Online counselling can be performed anywhere at anytime using a laptop, tablet, or mobile phone which is extremely useful for those living in remote or rural areas where access to counselling services is non-existent. In addition to this, people who are unable to leave their homes due to physical disabilities or medical conditions can easily access online counselling with little inconvenience.

One age group who greatly benefit from online counselling are children and teenagers who are extremely comfortable using technology and who often prefer online counselling to traditional counselling. Along with this, people with hearing or visual impairments also benefit greatly from this technology. As long as you have an internet connection and a device to connect online, you can receive the benefits of online counselling.

Convenience

Where most of us need to take time off work to attend doctors and counselling appointments, online counselling offers an extremely convenient alternative. Text and email counselling are quick and effective and can be performed at obscure times such as during the night and in the morning. In addition, most online counsellors will have flexible hours due to the fact they don’t have to travel to and from work and typically offer appointments outside of business hours. Therapists also benefit from counselling online because they can extend their geographical location and schedule appointments when there is high demand.

Additionally, people who feel uncomfortable with traditional face-to-face counselling will find online counselling more suitable and relaxing as they’ll be attend appointments from the comfort of their own home. People with social phobias, agoraphobia, or anxiety disorders may find it difficult talking to a counsellor face-to-face and along with the social stigma they receive when walking into a counselling practice.

Affordability

Online counselling is typically far more economical for all parties involved. Considering that online counsellors don’t need to rent a commercial space and have considerably overhead lower costs, they generally pass these savings onto the client in the form of lower fees. Compared with traditional counselling, studies have shown that online counsellors fees are between 20 and 40% lower than traditional counsellors. Not only are clients receiving effective counselling services at lower costs, they will typically receive the same rebate from their health insurance provider if they have the appropriate cover.

As with most mental health and psychological conditions, speaking to an experienced professional is always beneficial. Knowing that help is only an email or video call away can help people put things into perspective and overcome small hurdles until their next online counselling appointment. During times of isolation and self-distancing, speaking with an online counsellor is not only just as effective as traditional counselling, but it’s more accessible, convenient, and affordable.

If you’re in need of support and assistance, don’t wait any longer. Get in touch with the experts at Stack Counselling by emailing admin@stackcounselling.com.au. All new clients are entitled to a free 15-minute appointment, so why wait? Contact Stack Counselling today.

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How Divorce/Separation Impacts Family & Children

How Divorce/Separation Impacts Family & Children

When two people finally decide that they can’t work out their differences and they have tried to seek counselling with no positive results, the best option can be to get a divorce. It’s not often that people are told that this is the best decision, but sometimes it’s unavoidable. The problem with getting a divorce is that this can have a very serious effect on those around us too, and especially on our children.

If you have children and you are getting divorced, you need to consider the emotional damage they will have to endure. There are other members of your family that could be affected by this as well, so it’s always good to look at the bigger picture. Most people would agree that staying in a toxic relationship can be more harm than good for children, but this doesn’t mean that a divorce is not going to be an emotional taxing experience for them.

Children who deal with divorced parents are often going to grow up with very little faith in relationships. This experience will be more than enough to make them feel pessimistic about love, respect and commitment. Parents need to be able to talk to their children and let them know that you both love them very much and that you needed to break your relationship up because it was the best way to maintain a harmonious life.

It might be hard for them to understand this, but it will be easier if you treat each other with respect and a positive attitude when you see one another. This is going to make it much easier for your children to handle this situation and they will learn to deal with your divorce without so much resentment.

Seeking counselling even after divorce can be a great way for you to handle your relationship with your ex-partner. A professional counselling session is going to teach both of you how to deal with the new relationship you have. One that is built entirely on the children you both have in common.
If you are interested in getting the most professional and high quality counselling, you can contact us today to schedule a session. We will help you get through this difficult time. We are experienced in every aspect of relationship counselling and we know how to deal with people who are learning how to communicate after a divorce.

If you’ve recently been through a divorce or separation and need some support or assistance, get in touch with the experts at Stack Counselling today.